Emotional Cabin Fever

Mootsie has Hirschsprung's Disease (HD).

For her first birthday, she traveled via ambulance to Children's Hospital in Minneapolis. It took a while to get a definitive diagnosis; most patients present symptoms within weeks of birth. Especially if it's long segment, or involving the complete colon, like Mootsie's.

I'm sure I'll be writing more about this in the future, so for the time being, I'll give you the Reader's Digest version. She had her colon removed in December. She has had a few bouts of dehydration which have required hospitalization since then. Currently, she is in the hospital again, for dehydration caused by catching rotavirus.

I have a pretty melancholy disposition and this recent challenge has brought that to the forefront more than I wish. I have battled for years against this state of mind, and it's been a losing battle the past couple of weeks. Even before she was hospitalized most recently.

I was thinking recently about *why* I wasn't getting cabin fever. Especially given the aforementioned temperament. This is our first year in Minnesota. We moved here from Arizona. Logic would tell me I should be getting a little stir crazy. But I wasn't. Then, as I was doing a load of laundry, it occurred to me. I *knew* the end was near. I knew that within a matter of weeks, I'd be able to go outside with just a jacket and without my nose hairs freezing. I knew I'd soon be able to plant things. I knew that I'd be able to have the weather calls reversed. No longer would smug relatives be calling, bragging about 70 degree weather. I'd be the smug relative bragging about 70 degree weather. We'd have *green* in ways that Arizona just doesn't.

But Mootsie's situation is giving me big time emotional cabin fever. It seems there is not an end in sight. And that makes me sad. It makes me want to rage like a mad woman. It makes me glad we don't have a dog, because I'd kick it. It makes me want to shake my fist at life. It makes me feel trapped. I don't know how to break free of it.

All the pat answers are cold comfort right now. I don't think there are any consolation prizes for this one. I guess now that I've reached the end of my rope, I need to tie a knot and wait for the snow to melt.