Mootsie has Hirschsprung's Disease (HD).
For her first birthday, she traveled via ambulance to Children's Hospital in Minneapolis. It took a while to get a definitive diagnosis; most patients present symptoms within weeks of birth. Especially if it's long segment, or involving the complete colon, like Mootsie's.
I'm sure I'll be writing more about this in the future, so for the time being, I'll give you the Reader's Digest version. She had her colon removed in December. She has had a few bouts of dehydration which have required hospitalization since then. Currently, she is in the hospital again, for dehydration caused by catching rotavirus.
I have a pretty melancholy disposition and this recent challenge has brought that to the forefront more than I wish. I have battled for years against this state of mind, and it's been a losing battle the past couple of weeks. Even before she was hospitalized most recently.
I was thinking recently about *why* I wasn't getting cabin fever. Especially given the aforementioned temperament. This is our first year in Minnesota. We moved here from Arizona. Logic would tell me I should be getting a little stir crazy. But I wasn't. Then, as I was doing a load of laundry, it occurred to me. I *knew* the end was near. I knew that within a matter of weeks, I'd be able to go outside with just a jacket and without my nose hairs freezing. I knew I'd soon be able to plant things. I knew that I'd be able to have the weather calls reversed. No longer would smug relatives be calling, bragging about 70 degree weather. I'd be the smug relative bragging about 70 degree weather. We'd have *green* in ways that Arizona just doesn't.
But Mootsie's situation is giving me big time emotional cabin fever. It seems there is not an end in sight. And that makes me sad. It makes me want to rage like a mad woman. It makes me glad we don't have a dog, because I'd kick it. It makes me want to shake my fist at life. It makes me feel trapped. I don't know how to break free of it.
All the pat answers are cold comfort right now. I don't think there are any consolation prizes for this one. I guess now that I've reached the end of my rope, I need to tie a knot and wait for the snow to melt.
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3 comments:
Oh, Christine, I can't even imagine the emotional toll Mootsie's illness has taken on you and the family. In reading your LDFR comments, you show such humor and strength. I can totally understand the 'emotional' cabin fever you're experiencing but I think you're showing so much strength too. Any Mama dealing with something like this would go through the cycle of 'shaking her fist', I think that's normal and expected! Hang in there.
Regina from LDFR
(((hugs))) Christine, Mootise is still in my prayers. And you are in my prayers too. What a hard thing for a mother to go through. No one can blame you at all for feeling the way you do!
Maybe now is the time to take up paintballing.
That way you can shoot anyone coming up the walk with that "I'm going to ask Christine a favor" look in their eye.
And, if you fill the gun with pretty paint, is an easy way to redecorate from the comfort and safety of your own couch.
:D
Great blog, Christine! I'll have to ask you for pointers should I blog someday.
Sachiko (from LDFR silly)
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